Hajimemashite.
(Let me introduce myself.)
Guraui Kyandesu desu.
(My name is Candace Graue.)
Douzo yoroshiku.
(Nice to meet you.)
During my beginning Japanese class, back in my freshman year
of college, we practiced self-introductions, or jikoshoukai, relentlessly. Every person was introduced to every
other person a dozen times, followed by careful practicing of the Japanese bow:
not too high, not too low, and with hands on the thighs for women. I had no
idea that this beginner’s language course, taken on a whim, with all its
introductions was introducing me to an entirely unpredicted, and therefore
terrifying, direction in life.
Although I love “living in the moment” and going on
spontaneous adventures, when it comes to the important, big parts of my life—career,
marriage, children, lifestyle—I like to plan down to the smallest detail. I did
not go into college with no idea what I wanted as a career, as many of my fellow
students often do. Since my freshman year of high school I knew I wanted to be
an English teacher. The more I learned about education and the issues surrounding
it, the more I believed that this was my calling, my place to make a change in
this world—even if it were only through students
I taught. I believed that through education, particularly English, a child’s
mind could be opened to endless interests, causes, cultures, and viewpoints. They
just needed the right guidance. With that passion burning in my heart, I
entered college knowing my path, how to get there, and what to do in the
meantime. On top of that, I knew how many kids I wanted, what their names would
be, where I’d live, and what kind of house I wanted. I even knew what kinds of
pets I would adopt and what I would name them. I would teach, I would live, and
I would write—another passion of mine that began as early as elementary school.
But my interest in Japan and its culture and language did
not diminish, and I continued to take the language courses and even studied
abroad in Japan, despite the fact that these classes had no value towards my
English and Education degree. Then, when I started to apply to the School of
Education at my university, I came to realize that despite all my fervor for
education, getting the required degree meant a lot more money and time in
college than I felt was right. It meant taking on a huge amount of debt,
spending an extra year and a half in school, only to go into a career that at
this time is not hiring—in fact, it’s mainly cutting jobs. It was then, with a
heavy heart, that I changed my Education double major to a Japanese one,
feeling like I was cutting out a part of my soul for the sake of my future
financial well-being.
That’s not to say I am unhappy with a Japanese major. But
after spending 6 years knowing I was going to be a teacher, suddenly not having
that goal anymore left me hollow. What, I asked, would my passion be now? What
would I do with a Japanese degree? Teach English in Japan? Translate? I needed
that fiery motivation that kept me going through all the annoying little stuff,
knowing that every small step was part of a bigger, happier picture.
Luckily, my trip to Japan for a semester and a year of
pondering my future, has revealed to me a potential, new calling, one that
draws on everything I believed in as a someday teacher. I still believe that
people need to open their minds, to embrace curiosity, and to explore. And after
traveling to Japan and a couple other countries, I think that exploration of
other cultures and places of the world is particularly important. Only by exploring
different ways of life can you ever truly understand yourself and the country
you live in. You can never have perspective without experiencing the other
side, first. Surely, this is the most important lesson I have taken from
learning about and experiencing Japanese culture. Lately, I have started to
think that I can still share this ideal with the world in ways other than
teaching. And to be honest, I miss being tin Japan, or anywhere foreign, so
deeply that is almost physically hurts in the center of my body.
So in order to explore this revised passion, I want to write
about culture. Not just Japanese, but culture around the world, and even here
at home. This blog will help me begin that path, and maybe find that plan I so
desperately need to feel secure. Maybe I will inspire other people to go beyond
their comfort zone and embrace different ways of life. This is not a travel
blog, though there will be posts about travel. It is not a food blog, although
I love tasting food from different countries. It is just going to be a blog
about curiosity for the world—and everything that goes with it. I hope to visit
many other countries as soon as I can and continue to share my experience
through my writing.
Something else Japanese has taught me is that literal
translations often don’t effectively communicate the same meanings. The literal
translation of my opening jikoshoukai
is something like “I am beginning. I am Candace
Graue. Please treat me well.” As an introduction, this translation into English
isn’t much help. But for this, I believe the literal meaning works just as
well. To both my future readers, and my future itself: I am beginning, please
treat me well.
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